I’ve heard some readers grumbling that the typeface on this blog is too small for their bleary morning eyes, so I decided to try a podcast version to help them out.

To give it some sex appeal, I enlisted the robo-lady who lives in my computer to do the voicing for me. You can listen to her sultry audio here.

On to the news that amused and confused in Hawai’i’s week that was:

• Sen. Daniel inouye is miffed that Gov. Linda Lingle sought federal funding for her proposed purchase of Turtle Bay without consulting him. He’s got a point. You wouldn’t plan a luau without making arrangements with the guy at the piggery, would you?

• After a seven-hour meeting, the City Council still couldn’t decide if the O’ahu transit system should run on steel, rubber or levitation. A frustrated Mayor Mufi Hannemann threatened to have futless council members levitated to a rubber room with steel doors.

• The Police Commission scolded Chief Boisse Correa for not communicating with them about the back pain that kept him away from the job for half the year. The chief promised that next time he’ll say “owie” immediately.

• Thieves have broken into seven ATMs around O’ahu this month. The robbers busted open the machines with crowbars after the devices failed to respond to their orders to “stick ‘em up.”

• Six passengers were unharmed when the pilot of a tour airplane made a slick emergency landing on a highway near the Kilauea lava flow. I’ll bet they were relieved to hot-foot it out of there.

• US Airways will charge passengers $5 extra for aisle or window seats starting next month. For another five bucks, the flight attendant will have the pest in the middle seat who’s talking too much arrested as a terrorist.

• Kaua’i officials set up neighborhood computer kiosks to make access to services easier for residents. They’ll take good advantage of that. The Superferry offers its best fares online.

• Legislators want to cut $25 million from programs to help people who are already poor and save it just in case other people become poor in the future. That kind of logic certainly justifies the 54-percent raises they’re paying themselves over the next five years.

• Sen. Rosalyn Baker insisted “we’re not stupid” when critics said the Legislature would endanger public safety with its bill to limit the governor’s emergency powers. I wonder where the smart money is on that one.

• Required by the Constitution to refund money to taxpayers after two straight years of budget surpluses, state senators voted to give us all a $1 tax rebate. Yippee! In five years, I’ll have enough to get a window seat on US Airways.

And the quote of the week …

… from attorney Don Wilkerson to reporters after a jury convicted his client Kirk Lankford of murdering Masumi Watanabe:

“Shame on you! Every one of you has participated in the most dishonest reporting I have ever seen in this state.”

Hey, we didn’t make up that defense he presented.