I spent last week in Waikiki enjoying the company of my three siblings from California and New York for the first time since our mother died in November.

A vacation for me is a vacation from the news, and I didn’t spend a lot of time following the week’s events. Barack Obama’s visit, the Olympics and  the legal victory for rail transit opponents all went right past me.

The one bit of news that did catch my attention was the Kingdom of Hawai’i Nation’s Statehood Day takeover of ‘Iolani Palace that resulted in 23 arrests, and that was only because it occurred after my wife and sister-in-law toured the palace.

If not for the danger to palace employees and priceless artifacts, it would have been laughable to have two fringe sovereignty groups with competing self-proclaimed monarchs attempting to occupy the palace. The “king” of last week’s occupation, Akahi Nui, couldn’t find the throne he planned to chain himself to.

It’s been surprising that credible Hawaiian rights leaders have been so muted in criticizing this idiocy that tarnishes all of their efforts.

No laughing matter were reports that Honolulu police officers refused to help the palace employees under siege, claiming it wasn’t their jurisdiction. The last time I checked, their jurisdiction was the island of O’ahu.

It would be reprehensible for any citizen — much less a police officer — to do nothing while watching a woman being assaulted.

Police Chief Boisse Correa has ordered an internal review of the department’s initial response, and let’s hope it will include anything the chief may have done to lead his officers to believe they should stand down in the event of trouble at the palace.

We remember Correa going to the palace in street clothes in May to give kid-gloves treatment to the other would-be monarch, Mahealani Kahau, whose Hawaiian Kingdom Government was the first group to attempt an occupation.

The Legislature said sine die, but the goofy politics never seem to end around here and led the news that amused and confused in Hawai’i’s week that was:

• The City Council approved the locations of 34 stations on the proposed $3.7 billion O’ahu transit system, but still couldn’t agree on whether the trains should run on steel rail, rubber tires or levitation. If they go with levitation, the stations can double as space ports.

• Some council members want to boot the tires of motorists with three or more unpaid parking citations. Locked-out drivers could free their cars by paying the tickets — or buying tickets to a campaign fundraiser would probably do the trick.

• Police Chief Boisse Correa wants to spend $51,000 on a bullet-proof SUV with high-end communications gear. The next time the Police Commission takes a shot at him for communicating poorly, he’ll be prepared.

• Maui police gave up their pursuit of a speeding driver clocked at 101 mph. What, did they spot a “Click It or Ticket” violator going the other way and think it more important to chase him instead?

• A snake was found in Hilo and a big lizard turned up in Makaha. I guess legislators didn’t waste any time scattering around the state after their adjournment.

• Gov. Linda Lingle characterized Sen. Donna Mercado Kim’s investigation of alleged illegal contracting by her administration as a “witch hunt.” Maybe they should just whip out their broomsticks and measure already.

• Lingle will participate in a conference in Israel about how folks can work together for a harmonious future. Sounds like a great opportunity to take Donna Kim along and see if they can bond over a nice falafel.

• The Hawaiian Kingdom Government continued to conduct its royal business on ‘Iolani Palace grounds after getting a state permit to assemble. Now that’s a bold exercise of sovereign power.

• A Honokai Hale man accused of attempting to murder his girlfriend by setting her on fire got a hung jury when he claimed he accidently tripped and spilled lamp oil and gasoline on her while she smoked. Hawai’i juries have always been suckers for the “oopsie” defense.

• The Hawaii Superferry says it’s waiting for a signal from Kaua’i that the community wants service restored. They should hire a sign-language interpreter to make sure they don’t again mistake a raised middle finger for a come-hither gesture.

And the quote of the week …

… from Sen. Sam Slom on the Senate investigation accusing state economic development director Ted Liu of violating procurement law:

“Either there is a tremendous, wide-ranging conspiracy to allow the director to violate the law for whatever purpose, or you’ve got a bunch of high-profile and low-profile employees that really were moronic in their actions and their responsibilities. I believe they were morons.”

He seems awfully sure of himself. One of those cases where it takes one to know one?

I’ve heard some readers grumbling that the typeface on this blog is too small for their bleary morning eyes, so I decided to try a podcast version to help them out.

To give it some sex appeal, I enlisted the robo-lady who lives in my computer to do the voicing for me. You can listen to her sultry audio here.

On to the news that amused and confused in Hawai’i’s week that was:

• Sen. Daniel inouye is miffed that Gov. Linda Lingle sought federal funding for her proposed purchase of Turtle Bay without consulting him. He’s got a point. You wouldn’t plan a luau without making arrangements with the guy at the piggery, would you?

• After a seven-hour meeting, the City Council still couldn’t decide if the O’ahu transit system should run on steel, rubber or levitation. A frustrated Mayor Mufi Hannemann threatened to have futless council members levitated to a rubber room with steel doors.

• The Police Commission scolded Chief Boisse Correa for not communicating with them about the back pain that kept him away from the job for half the year. The chief promised that next time he’ll say “owie” immediately.

• Thieves have broken into seven ATMs around O’ahu this month. The robbers busted open the machines with crowbars after the devices failed to respond to their orders to “stick ‘em up.”

• Six passengers were unharmed when the pilot of a tour airplane made a slick emergency landing on a highway near the Kilauea lava flow. I’ll bet they were relieved to hot-foot it out of there.

• US Airways will charge passengers $5 extra for aisle or window seats starting next month. For another five bucks, the flight attendant will have the pest in the middle seat who’s talking too much arrested as a terrorist.

• Kaua’i officials set up neighborhood computer kiosks to make access to services easier for residents. They’ll take good advantage of that. The Superferry offers its best fares online.

• Legislators want to cut $25 million from programs to help people who are already poor and save it just in case other people become poor in the future. That kind of logic certainly justifies the 54-percent raises they’re paying themselves over the next five years.

• Sen. Rosalyn Baker insisted “we’re not stupid” when critics said the Legislature would endanger public safety with its bill to limit the governor’s emergency powers. I wonder where the smart money is on that one.

• Required by the Constitution to refund money to taxpayers after two straight years of budget surpluses, state senators voted to give us all a $1 tax rebate. Yippee! In five years, I’ll have enough to get a window seat on US Airways.

And the quote of the week …

… from attorney Don Wilkerson to reporters after a jury convicted his client Kirk Lankford of murdering Masumi Watanabe:

“Shame on you! Every one of you has participated in the most dishonest reporting I have ever seen in this state.”

Hey, we didn’t make up that defense he presented.