flASHback: The year of 'ainokea'
December 23rd, 2009
By David Shapiro
By David Shapiro
This is the last "flASHback" of 2009, so let's review the year's news that amused and confused:
- Mayor Mufi Hannemann blamed a state typo for the EPA’s $1.2 billion crackdown on O’ahu sewage treatment. The memo meant to say there’s CRAB in the water.
- Pearl Harbor was excited about the arrival of the submarine USS Hawaii. Next year we get our state's other namesake ship, the USS Ainokea.
- Reacting to “Bodies … The Exhibition,” state legislators outlawed the public posing of cadavers. Some people can’t take a little competition.
- Hours of emotional testimony on civil unions ended with the Senate Judiciary Committee deadlocked. What a fitting tribute to marriage: an interminable argument that settled nothing.
- Tax collections to pay for Honolulu's $5.5 billion rail system ran far below expectations. At this rate, we'll only be able to afford a train that goes halfway to nowhere.
- The state sought public input on who should get priority for flu vaccine. The most common response was, "Besides me?" Beyond that, it was "Ainokea."
- The Senate passed a bill to allow Hawai'i prison inmates to vote by absentee ballot. They figured the cons are uniquely qualified to judge political talent.
- A swarm of Democratic lawmakers jockeyed for position in the race for lieutenant governor. Never have so many fought so hard for the right to contribute so little.
- Lawmakers said the Supreme Court overstepped its power by shutting down the Hawaii Superferry. Justices did seem to be playing God when they summarized their ruling, "Thou shalt not sail."
- Gov. Linda Lingle signed a new law reserving the "Made in Hawai'i" label for products that are 51-percent locally produced. Products must be 100-percent made in Hawai'i to be stamped "Ainokea."
- Teacher furloughs shut our public schools 17 Fridays a year to the fewest teaching days in the nation. For us it's "Every Child Left Behind."
- The rest of the country took note of our muted observance of the 50th anniversary of statehood. Only in Hawai'i do we celebrate statehood in a state of confusion about whether we want to be one.
- One study said Hawaii is the nation's No. 2 consumer of pornography after Utah, and another said we're the second happiest state — also behind Utah. The obvious lesson is that it makes you happier to watch your porn sober.
- Rep. Neil Abercrombie said Hawai'i inspired President Barack Obama's health care plan. They should name it Aino-Care.
Posted in Volcanic Ash | 11 Comments »
Volcanic Ash
December 23rd, 2009 at 6:35 am
The Bob Dylan comment reminded me of years ago attending one of his outdoor concerts in Denver with my three sons. I was cautioned that there might be marijuana smoked! There was! A new experience for me, not to smoke, but to be around. Still the concert was memorable of Dylan mumbling into the microphone.
December 23rd, 2009 at 9:33 am
Tragically truthful and insightful. I wish there was just one in the win column for our state. Add in the failure of Aloha Airlines, the end of pineapple in Maui, and the total lack of tourism innovation, leaving Hawai`i as simply an "expensive motel room on an accomodation strip on the beach."
I guess this means Hawai`i will never get an Ikea.
December 23rd, 2009 at 9:52 am
Pat, I had the exact same experience at a Dylan concert at the Waikiki Shell about 20 years ago, trying to explain to my then-young son what the aroma was in the air. I'm not sure what he did that night rose to the level of mumbling, but it was a trip not to be missed to see him in concert.
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:27 am
"I guess this means Hawai`i will never get an Ikea."
Good one, Kimo.
December 23rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I'm amazed you didn't trot out the 36 percent pay raise for legislators.
I guess there's always next year.
December 23rd, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Sorry to disappoint, Charles. I thought you were too busy getting it on with Hipoli to notice.
December 23rd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
David, I would stick with attempts at sardonic wit and leave snarkiness for others.
December 24th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Easy there, old dudes. A girl's gotta maintain her reputation and good name, afterall.
Round 2, Charles dear?
December 24th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Have a great holiday, Hipoli. I've ticked off Charles and Pat with the two most innocent things I've said all year, so I'm going to zip it and cruise out the rest of 2009.
December 25th, 2009 at 1:46 am
Hipoli, no need for additional verbal fisticuffs. David has left the building.
Besides, we're two harmless old guys, right? That said, David is waaay older than I am.
Happy Holidays.
December 25th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
The fact that a Senate will even take up the bill making it easier for the criminals to vote is amazing but only if you consider that in Hawaii the criminals are allowed to vote! For the Democrats of course!
Criminals, Union thugs, illegal aliens, racists and antisemites - the core Democrat voting group - have been electing Democrats here for years. Of course, our low voting patterns are making it all possible so one cannot blame the criminals, thugs and human detritus for electing their best sons and daughters to represent us on the Federal and Local levels.
By the way, the antisemitic Liberal Democrats were all upset about Bob Dylan's recording of a lousy Christmas album!
Here's what the Liberal fanatic Garrison Keillor said about the good old Bob's Christmas album: "And all those lousy holiday songs by Jewish guys that trash up the malls every year, Rudolph and the chestnuts and the rest of that dreck. Did one of our guys write ‘Grab your loafers, come along if you wanna, and we’ll blow that shofar for Rosh Hashanah’? No, we didn’t. Christmas is a Christian holiday—if you’re not in the club, then buzz off."
Merry Christmas to all and Goodnight!